What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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