I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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