So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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