if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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