dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
