I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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