i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
