You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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