At least make sure they are 18
Why
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
