oh god the rape fog is back!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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