I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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