my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
