it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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