I have demons in me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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