also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
