THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
