This is not my ceiling
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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