I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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