i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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