question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
