I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish you could order shots online.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
