well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then my night got REAL pukey
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
