Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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