I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
