I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
