oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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