Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
