I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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