I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
