i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
