I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
