Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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