all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize