Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
