i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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