Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
