I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
