Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
