is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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