eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
