he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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