i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
