oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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