I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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