it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
