i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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