I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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