We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
