Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
