i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
