I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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