I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
