Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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