Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
