I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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