I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
