The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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