I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
