I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
