I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
