is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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