Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I understand Curling. That high.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
