awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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