im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
