HIV tests are more positive than that guy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
