i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
