there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
