please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
