Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
