I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I will die if light touches me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
