My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
