Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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