He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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