Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
