No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
