u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
