I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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