You can't motorboat a personality
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
