she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
