i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
