let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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