I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize