The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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