just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
